Margot’s new tits were the only topic of conversation. She’d
used part of her divorce settlement to get herself a pair of double-Ds. You
couldn’t miss them and that was the point. Wow, you thought, when they entered
a room. Just, wow. That’s just the swelling, Margot said.
But they pretty much remained the same size, even six weeks
later, when she threw her Boob-Job Pot-Luck. It was part celebration, part a
chance for her to show off, and part an advertisement for her plastic surgeon,
who promised to be there to answer any questions us ladies might have about
joining the Double-D club. I don’t think any of us had any intention of fixing
our tits, but who could resist? Her surgeon was rumored to be a real stud.
Most people brought variations on the boob theme: half
grapefruits with a maraschino cherry in the center; rounds of bologna with a
perky olive each. Someone brought to watermelons. Val brought pears and went
around asking people if they got the joke. But Pat’s contribution stole the
show: cylindrical blobs of cheese, fruit, sour cream and marshmallow which had
been frozen into shape and served on a bed of lettuce with a single raspberry
on the top.
When the party started, they sat there on the table hard as
rock, which would have posed a problem for anyone brave enough to try to eat
one, but once we were in full swing, they’d begin to soften. It was a very warm
day. By the time we left, there they sat, each raspberry sitting amid a lumpy
puddle of what looked like puke. Not even Pat ate one.
The plastic surgeon was
a stud, by the way. Margot ended up marrying him. They divorced when he got
caught having an affair with another patient. I’m not sure what Margot looks
like today. Neither does Margot.
Salads For Every Occasion Card #5 Frozen Salads, Betty Crocker Recipe Card Library, 1971
See also: The Ides of Salad
See also: The Ides of Salad