Nac uoy ared shit? Fo erousc ton.
That’s because in English, we have spelling. Spelling, a
thing that schools seem to think is the key to your future success as a human
being, is all about putting the letters in the right order. Only sadists and
serial killers mix the letters up to hide the message they’re sending —
probably just to give themselves more time to commit whatever heinous act they
get off on.
On a related note, some mothers take birthday parties a
little too seriously. They forget that the only reason little Susie wants a
party is so that she can play the Queen Bee and decide which of her classmates
she’s going to invite or leave out in the cold as a crystal-clear message
they’ve been shunned. The only reason the other kids go is to get high on sugar
and run around for two hours and see what presents the other kids brought,
hoping that theirs is the best.
The actual details don’t matter, so long as there is cake.
The one thing you want to avoid in planning a child’s
birthday party is having it resemble school. This party game devised by the
sinister and tortured souls at Betty Crocker hits all the marks:
involves
spelling difficult words 3
requires
writing 3
is
timed 3
is
judged 3
only
exists to kill time 3
provides
ample opportunity for humiliation 3
And to put the icing on the cake, as it were, let’s look
closely at what they consider a “jungle” animal:
lion, elephant, monkey, peacock, flamingo, rhinoceros,
tiger, bear, hippopotamus, seal, llama, giraffe, kangaroo, penguin.
Penguin, FFS.
This situation is NOT normal — it is all f*cked up.
Children’s Parties Card #3 African Safari, Betty Crocker Recipe Card Library, 1971
See Also: Raggedy Ann Revisited, An International Incident, Horrorscope
See Also: Raggedy Ann Revisited, An International Incident, Horrorscope