Suckling Pig

This particular suckling pig was procured from the little-publicized Livestock Foodstuffs Agency which provides toothsome-looking models for culinary photography. For some animals, whose only other avenue in life is a factory farm, it can be an appealing career choice, though it does come tinged with the occupational hazard of actually being cooked and eaten in the course of doing your job. For this reason, insurance rates run high, a cost passed on to the consumer. 

Not every hopeful beast is chosen, of course; a high priority is placed on a blemish-free and succulent appearance. Job training differs species to species — suckling pigs practice the apple-in-the-mouth pose under strict tutelage so that they may remain still, often balanced on a spit or serving platter for hours at a time. Many find the experience of being slathered in barbecue sauce quite relaxing, especially when it is rubbed in by a sympathetic food stylist. 

Despite the potential rewards that attend this profession it remains unregulated, though unionization has improved conditions in recent years with a set fee schedule and the provision of regular bathroom breaks and worker’s compensation packages for those nicked and burned in the line of duty. Sadly even this is sometimes not enough to forestall ruthless food editors from abusing their employees as one can plainly see from this example. Fortunately, the mandatory Livestock Foodstuffs Agency Life Insurance policy will provide for his porcine wife and piglets for a period of three years or until any exercise their right to sacrifice themselves for bacon.

The Art of Carving, House and Garden, 1959