Whether tis nobler in the gut to suffer
The shrimp and veg of outrageous soup
Or to take arms against whoever serves it
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep —
No more —and by a sleep to say we end
The stomachache, and the thousand unnatural shocks
That flesh is heir to. Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep —
To sleep — perchance to dream; ay, there’s the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this dinner date,
Must give us pause. Etc.
Speaking of tragedies, I think we have stumbled upon the weapon Claudius used to knock off poor Hamlet’s Dad: a bowl of Buttermilk-Shrimp Bisque, cooked up, no doubt, by the evil Gertrude.
The eagle-eyed among you will notice from the recipe below that this is not, strictly speaking, a bisque at all. It’s a cheat’s bisque for people so lazy they think an appetizing soup can be made by tossing some raw veg, canned shrimp, and milk in a bowl. They can’t even be bothered to heat it.
It’s a little known fact that Ophelia excused herself from a light lunch with her future mother-in-law to drown herself rather than delve into a serving.
The food stylists at Better Homes and Gardens have helpfully provided two goblets of
Chilled Beet Soup poisoned wine to wash it down with.
Next time you want all of your dinner guests to go mad and slay each other in a frenzied bloodbath, serve this.
1 teaspoon onion salt
2 teaspoons prepared mustard
½ teaspoon sugar
½ teaspoon dried dill weed
Dash hot sauce
4 cups buttermilk
1 can small shrimp
½ cup chopped green pepper
1 small cucumber
½ cup chopped celery
1 jar diced pimento
In bowl, mix onion salt, mustard, sugar, dill weed and hot sauce.
Stir in buttermilk, shrimp, cucumber, green pepper, celery and pimento.
Soups & Stews Cook Book, Better Homes and Gardens, 1978