The basic premise of Christian theology is that the life you
lead on Earth will determine if you spend eternity in Heaven, or Hell.
Different doctrines hold that either your ultimate destination is predetermined
and there’s nothing you can do about it; or that you’re given a last chance to
renounce your sins and be granted a pass to the glorious afterworld. Still
others say that you’re being watched and judged every single day, and that your
behaviors have a cumulative effect, like an end-of-year grade, weighted
according to your overall piety. St. Peter is traditionally seen as gatekeeper,
for whom you must pass muster to be let inside the exclusive club.
On the other hand, Santa does the very same thing at
Christmastime, a fact millions of children or people who have once been
children, can attest (there are even picture to prove it), which begs the question:
is Santa St. Peter in disguise?
“Ho ho ho,” the big man with a beard will murmur merrily as
you approach, trembling amid the whiteness. “What’s your name, little [BOY or
GIRL]?”
At this you will tell him your name. Probably your formal
name, the one on your birth certificate, as opposed to the nickname you have
been known by your whole entire life.
“And tell me,” the portly fellow will huff, “have you been
naughty or nice?”
Naturally, you’ll report having been nice. Very nice, in
fact. Super-nice.
The imposing gentleman will peer at you to confirm your
confession’s veracity, because he has super powers and can determine such
things. “Fair enough then,” he’ll snort, “you can come in. Close the door
behind you, you’ll let in the draft.”
