What is it with kid’s parties? Why must adults insist on creating terrifying tableaux of life inside the ruined mind of a PCP addict? In what possible realm of sanity does this “good time” exist? Where on earth does one find a red imitation Christmas Tree and what is it doing here? Can someone please stop that innocent child from licking the LSD lollipop? How did they get all those balloons to float at various heights like that? How many years of intensive therapy will that girl in the blue box costume require to heal her of her demons? Who the hell is responsible for Chuck E. Cheese and how did associating a giant rat with both children and food become so successful? Shouldn’t we teach children to stay away from giant rats and men dressed in rat costumes seeking to “entertain” them? How much sugar is enough sugar? Is that cake made out of shaving foam? Isn’t Willy Wonka a suspicious sounding name? Given that a “willy” is another name for “penis”? How was Crisco involved in the production of these food items? Can I go home now? Please?