Portraiture

 

 

In the past, the coolest way to name-check yourself was to subtly paint your reflection in a random object in a portrait. Glass, metal, even pearls — all were glossy enough to serve as mirrors for the artist. Van Eyck and Velázquez were both cheeky lads in this regard, peeking out at the viewer from within complex scenes. But were they inventive enough to use a black olive to accomplish this snappy trick? I think not! 

 

Fast-forward to 1971, and the heyday of food styling fashion that demanded garnishes take center stage, as if the food being portrayed required bling to make it sing. The humble olive took a star turn as a jaunty bauble, its green and red and black globular presence crowning many an otherwise plain Jane dish. Here, they do yeoman’s work of providing compositional scaffolding to create a classic triangle out of a gloopy pink arrangement, much like a tiara on a drunken prom queen. The broccoli bouquet lays at her feet, confused as to its status as chaperone. But it is the black olive, the jewel in the crown, that winks back at us with the photographer’s light reflector, fairly screaming “we’re professionals here!” like the back of the artist’s easel. Meanwhile, the subject, having sat for hours, begins to sag under the lights. “Just a few more shots!” the photographer cries, but the olives stick their tongues out in protest, and the biscuits emit a whispered sigh.

 

Crusty Salmon Shortcakes

The Betty Crocker Recipe Card Library, 1971

One is Such A Lonely Number

When a  Passenger Pigeon named Martha died at the ripe old age of 29 on September 1^st, 1914 at her home (The Cincinnati Zoo), she was stuffed and put on display at the Smithsonian. Martha was the last of her kind in the whole world.

Martha, dead as a doornail

Her fate may have been sealed when she hatched in 1885. By that time, Passenger Pigeons were being hunted at a rate that made it impossible for them to survive. Passenger Pigeons were a species who could only breed in large communities, so not having many thousands of potential suitors on hand disinclined them from getting in the mood for love, no matter how much concerned ornithologists tried to relax them with a nice bit of dinner and candlelight. It is entirely possible then, that Martha died a virgin.

Martha, alive but lonely

Martha’s story is especially poignant because of the rapidity with which her species became extinct — it only took 20 years. Once numbering in the billions, they could not compete with hunters as more and more people moved West, and their communal nature doomed them further by making them so easy to kill en masse.

Recipe from Marion Harland's popular book
Practical and Exhaustive Manual of Cooking and Housekeeping of 1871
that contributed to the extinction of the Passenger Pigeon

Yes, I can hear you say, but what does all this have to do with that grotesque salad?

Imagine, if you will, that each layer in it represents all of the birds in North America. Look how robust their numbers are! There is no shortage of lettuce, peppers, mushrooms, onions, celery, peas, dressing, cheese and bacon. The lone stuffed olive sitting on top like Sleeping Beauty on her tower of mattresses is stuffed Martha, resplendently and magnificently alone.

Soup, Salad and Sandwich Cookbook, Ideals Publishing Corp., 1981

Also form this book: Frosted Sandwich Loaf, Potty Mouth, Penis Salad