Wheel of Fortune

 

Welcome to Wheel of Fortune! 

 

Pat: Today we have Sandra, who’s from Milwaukee. How are you, Sandra?

Sandra: I’m just dandy, Pat!

Pat: You look like you know your food, Sandra, am I right? 

Sandra: Been eating it all my life, Pat! 

Pat: Sandra, are you ready to play? 

Sandra: I was born ready, Pat! 

Pat: Now, as you know, this special version of the game means you have to correctly name this dish to win the prize, based solely on a picture of the dish. 

Sandra: Gotcha!

Pat: Excellent! OK, Vanna, show us the picture, please. It’s a Hurry Up Main Dish, Sandra! 

Sandra: Oh! I think I know! 

Pat: Already! Wow! I’m impressed!

Sandra: I have four kids and a hungry man, Pat. 

Pat: Say no more! Vanna, will you show us the number of letters in the dish?

 

_{— — — —     — — — —     — — — —}   

 

Sandra: (Spins wheel) I see eggs there, Pat. Is one of the words EGGS?

Pat: Oooh, it’s not! Nice try, Sandra. Spin again!  

Sandra: (Spins wheel) Hmm. So there’s also bacon, and onions, and what looks like chopped peanuts. How about NUTS? 

Pat: Nope! No nuts! 

Sandra: (Spins wheel) There are different textures. One looks like jelly. Oh! I bet one of the words is BOWL!

Pat: Are you sure? That’s a very good guess, wouldn’t you say, Vanna? She’s nodding! But no! It’s not BOWL. Sorry.

Sandra: Well, now I’m stumped, Pat! I’m sure I’ve served this before! I’ll have to buy a clue! 

Pat: The middle word is WITH.

Sandra: Oh. That doesn’t help much. What’s that object in the middle? A kumquat? 

Pat: Why, yes, it’s a kumquat. You sure do know your citrus fruits, Sandra!

Sandra: I’m going to take a wild guess here, Pat. I’m going out on a limb. 

Pat: Any why not? Might as well! 

Sandra: I bet it’s something you need a variety of, like toppings. They look like toppings to me. 

Pat: I think you’re on to something, Sandra!

Sandra: Toppings you’d put on a cracker? That’s a “Hurry up dish!” 

Pat: I see where you’re going with this…. But remember, once you take a guess at the whole name, you have no more chances. Are you sure you want to go for it? 

Sandra: Yes! I’m sure! Is it BITS WITH RITZ?

Pat: …I’m afraid not. I like your style. You were soooo close, wasn’t she, Vanna? 

Vanna: She sure was, Pat.

Pat: Let’s reveal the name for this “Hurry Up Main Dish” Vanna! 

Vanna: (turns letters)

 

TUNA WITH RICE

 

Sandra: What?

Pat: And that concludes today’s game. Thanks for playing, Sandra, you’ve been a great sport. Join us tomorrow, folks, for another game of Wheel of Fortune! 

Tuna With Rice

The Betty Crocker Recipe Card Library, 1971

The Indies

Food looks good on plates that are white and blue. Why? Because food usually comes in colors other than white or blue. You want to see what’s on the plate (hence it cannot be too dark), and you don’t want your plate color to clash with, or — heaven forbid — render unappetizing, your food.

Indies

This is why dinnerware with a delicate blue pattern on white has always been popular. Think Willow pattern: an ancient love story played out at every setting.

Old British Castles

Johnson Brothers, the venerable English china company, produced iconic dinnerware until being folded into a larger china conglomerate operating out of China. Old British Castles and Devon Cottage will bring back happy memories for many nostalgic for home cooking — but my favorite has always been Indies, a wistfully floral design that screams 1970s. It has long been discontinued, though a thriving market can be found for it at online auction sites.

Devon Cottage

This book, unappetizing in every other way, nevertheless features Indies plates on its cover. Perhaps they served as a small measure of aesthetic comfort for those subjected to the recipes inside.

Such lovely plates might be cold comfort, however, to those fasting; there is an entire chapter in this book dedicated to not eating. There’s even a recipe for raw rice — “particularly for purging intestinal parasites.”

The Brown Rice Cookbook: Delicious Wholesome Macrobiotic Recipes, Craig & Ann Sams, 1983

Are We Done?

It is often the case with recipes written for those new to cooking that directions need to be given for basic things like telling when something is done or not.

A cake is done when the Maillard reaction has taken place and the proteins surrounding air pockets created by leavening have solidified. Or, in other words, it looks edible and when pressed gently, bounces back.

A chicken is done when the skin looks crisp, the leg is wont to pull away from the body with ease, and if you’re really not sure, the fluids released from a skewer poked deep into the side run clear. Or if it’s been in there about an hour and a half, for a normal-size roasting bird.

Rice is done when it has absorbed all the water and fluffed up to three times its size.

Some things are more ephemeral or are determined by personal preference.

A steak, for example, might look well done on the outside but remain rare inside — only a flesh firmness test (an experience) will tell you for sure.

A boiled egg looks the same as an unboiled on the outside but behaves differently when rocked and dropped. A sure sign it is no longer raw: if it’s been in hot water for ten minutes. An egg that has boiled too long will let you know by exploding.

This recipe’s directions are charmingly casual yet helpfully specific: pouring the egg into a hole which reveals the pan’s surface will cook it in a way that simply adding it to the rice mixture won’t.

And “when it looks finished, it is.”

The Chinese-Kosher Cookbook, Ruth and Bob Grossman, 1963

Also from an expended version of this book: How Very Schmaltzy, Crazy Bananas, The Case of the Missing Swine

Confetti Meatball Supper

The term confetti comes to us via the tradition of tossing sugared almonds at couples on their wedding day so that they may be fruitful. Being pelted with hard sweets isn’t much fun, however, and rice (which was also used for the same purpose) tends to get all swollen and rotten when exposed to moisture. Colored paper shapes are thankfully used instead — what we today consider confetti. It is not just limited to weddings either, since no-one gets married nowadays, so it is thrown at any festive occasion.

One assumes that the association with colorful fragments denoting joy is what allows any dish featuring a sprinkle of color in the form of chopped vegetables to be called a Confetti. The joy, sadly, is missing from this particular dish, though the caption strongly suggests the arrangement gives it “eye appeal.”

Note how the recipe for this delicious-looking Confetti Meatball Supper does not feature an ingredients list. This is because the ingredients are:

1 can condensed Cheddar Cheese soup

¼ cup ketchup

1 teaspoon minced onion

1 teaspoon Worcestershire Sauce

1 cans Meatballs in Gravy

Package precooked rice

1 can mixed vegetables

2 tablespoons canned pimento

¼ teaspoon salt

Some things are worth noting here, and it’s not that this involves mostly things that come out of cans or bottles. What does one do with the rest of the onion after you only dice a slice of it?

Please note the recipe for what can only be the bastard child of take-out cuisine: an Indian Pizza. This Frankenmeal is achieved through the clever addition of curry powder to a pizza. It’s neither Italian nor Indian: it’s just horrid.

After Work Cook Book, Better Homes and Gardens, 1974