Double Dipping

— Here we are again. This always happens. Who’s going to go first this time?

— Not me.

— Me neither.

— Hey – where’s Dominic?

— Oh, he had to stay home to work on some really important papers.

— But he’s a welder. What papers could be possibly be working on?

— You know, important ones.

— Well, I think he’s just making any excuse not to join us for our weekly fondue party.

— Surely not!

— We all made an effort to be here. It’s the least he could do.

— Maybe it was the hot curried salad from last time. It didn’t agree with him.

— It didn’t agree with any of us, but we still forced it down.

— At least I’ve dunked mine.

— Go ahead and eat it then.

— I’ll wait for you guys, then we can all taste it together.

— Dominic had the right idea, if you ask me.

— That’s not nice! If you’re going to be like that, then we shan’t continue with our fondues, which will be such a shame since we bought all of this fondue equipment.

— OK: everyone, on the count of three . . .

Hershey’s Chocolate and Cocoa Cookbook, Ideals Publishing Corp., 1982

See also: The Joy of Fondue

Also from this book: Theobroma

The Joy of Fondue

— You first.

— No, you first.

— I don’t want to.

— Chicken!

— It’s not chicken; it’s some chocolate stuff. I think.

— I meant — never mind.

— Last one in has to do the dishes.

. . .

— OK, no-one’s moved. Last one in has to drive home.

— But you guys live here. That’s not fair!

— Damn.

— How long does it take for this stuff to get cold?

— Not sure. Who wants another drink?

— Me.

— Me.

— Me.

— Think I’ll give it a pass. I feel a cold coming on. Maybe it’s the flu.

— Oh, thanks, thanks a LOT. You could have said something earlier before we all shared that last bowl.

— I wasn’t sure then. I’m feeling more sure now.

— That’s it. I’m done.

— What? You’re not even going to try it?

— Nah.

— But I have Hot Curried Fruit coming up next!

— Um . . . Nah.

 Fondue On The Menu, Golden Press, 1971

Also from this book: Raw Meat

Fondue? Fondon't.

Oh Dear. This is very sad. These people have run out of food and have had to rely on serving a bowl of vomit and pieces of something they’re dipping into it on skewers. Perhaps their guests won’t notice because there’s clearly flirting going on. Look at how those fingers are suggestively curled around the metal….The recipe instructions say “Oops! The first one to drop his bread in the pot gives a kiss to the friend of his choice.”

(Why is it assumed to be the man who will drop his bread? And isn’t there a pretty high potential for abusing the fondue rule in order to kiss everyone? Or maybe just the one person. And what if she doesn’t want to be kissed? This could lead to violence in a jiffy — and they’re all armed with pointy sticks. So much for the Swiss being pacifists. What a crock of sh*t. Which incidentally brings us back to the photo.)

I wonder how long those apple slices wedged onto the mugs will stay there? Every tried to jam an apple slice onto a hard object? Let’s give special props to the food stylist who so carefully carved the notches out without breaking the apple. And for the all-red theme. Bravo.

On the next page are these lovely recipes for “Rabbit.” Not to be confused with the traditional “Welsh Rarebit.”

Cooking with Cheese, Better Homes and Gardens, 1971

Also from this book: Parsley Merkin