Guess what we did in gym class today.
No! We did “sexed.”
You sexted people?
Never mind. Oh — you mean Sex Ed. Two words.
It was weird.
Yeah. What did they tell you?
We learned all about prophylactics.
You did, huh?
I have no clue what that is.
It’s from the Greek, prophylaktikos, meaning precautionary. It was used in the 1570s to refer to something that wards off disease. You use a prophylactic if you’re being cautionary.
Wow. You’re pretty smart for an 8th grader. You know everything! I wish our teacher had put it that way.
How did he put it?
He did a trick with a banana and a balloon. He kept saying we had to “pinch the tip,” but I don’t know what he was referring to.
A prophylactic. You use them if you don’t want to get a girl pregnant or catch a disease.
I’m confused. You eat bananas if you don’t want to have a baby?
No — you use a condom and pinch the tip.
Why do you have to pinch the tip?
When you — you know. Finish.
Oh…right, right. I know what you mean. I already do that.
I pinch the tip. You know, to finish. Don’t you? Doesn’t everyone?
Er — whatev.
I’m still confused about something though. The teacher said if we don’t get the banana example, we should think of a hot dog wrapped up in wax paper. Then he made a joke about buns and “enjoying them with relish.”
Dude — your teacher sucks.
No — he doesn’t. He specifically said he doesn’t suck. I have no idea what he meant, but he said he wanted to make that very clear from the start.
Clarity seems to be his specialty.
I don’t know who she is, but he said something else was — it began with a C too — a foreign sounding word. What do you think he meant?
Never mind, young Paduan, never mind.
Microwave Miracles, Hyla O’Connor