As many of you canny readers will already be aware, the
end-times are coming, and folks have to prepare or perish. We all know the
scenario: a strange meteor will signal higher taxes; plagues of locusts will
eat all of our crops; the government will confiscate our guns, women and
liquor; rivers will run red; and the Ruskies will nuke us to oblivion in a
pinko-commie plot to take over the world.
If you’re going to survive the apocalypse, you need to stock
your bunker with hand-crank radios, cans of Spam, toilet paper, and plenty of
Sudokus. What you’ll miss is good old-fashioned home cooking, because you’ll be
eating out of cans and drinking your own urine for a very long time.
So why not learn some kitchen skills you can use to serve
your family a proper meal and stave off the boredom that experts warn could
result in a bloodbath? If a nice helping of Yogo-cheese won’t cut the tension
in your concrete shelter, nothing will.
It’s easy: all you’ll need is fresh yogurt and a working
refrigerator, some Ritz crackers and a sense of whimsy. And salt. You don’t
have to call it “Yogo-Cheese” if you don’t want to be too literal. You can call
it anything you want. We just called it that to get your attention because we
know that your friends and neighbors — the ones who will be eaten, evaporated
or shot when disaster strikes — will overlook it.
Be warned: these are the same people who will be pounding on
the metal doors trying to get in to save themselves once the going gets tough
on the outside, but don’t give in. Did they help you stockpile that case of
Ketchup in the corner? No.
Case closed.
Case closed.
Yogurt Cookery,
Sophie Kay, 1978
