Do not try to bring hummingbirds into Hawaii. They will not let you. It is strictly prohibited. It is verboten. Not even if it is your favorite pet hummingbird. No way, no how. A soon as you land in Hawaii, they throw a lei over your shoulders and search you for contraband hummingbirds. Aloha my ass for the hummingbirds. Do not hide a hummingbird in your pants. Don’t even joke about the hummingbirds. Sure, you may find that once you have booked your passage to Hawaii, you will be inundated with requests from hummingbirds to secure themselves as stowaways in your baggage, because they, too want to go on holiday to Hawaii. But do not accept their bribes. If a hummingbird decides to hide in your baggage, and is discovered, he or she will meet a grisly end. Hummingbirds are not welcome in Hawaii.
This is because hummingbirds are attracted to bromeliads and end up pollinating them. But this is great! you say. How convenient! Isn’t nature wonderful! Surely the world could use more bromeliads! Hang on, what’s a bromeliad?
Pineapples, for a start. They are the most delicious bromeliads around. Companies like Dole and Del Monte have invested a lot of time and money into making sure your pineapple is succulent, sweet, low in acid, and lasts until it reaches your local supermarket. What ruins pineapples is seeds. And what makes seeds? Pollination. And what pollinates pineapples? Hummingbirds. Hence the ban.
Pineapples aren’t even native to Hawaii; they were brought over from South America and soon found a home in the perfect climate. Hawaii might very well be associated with the pineapple, but it doesn’t even crack the top 12 list of nations producing the most pineapples.
It sucks to be a hummingbird.
Here is a picture of a pineapple stuffed with hot sauerkraut from Germany. Enjoy.
The Cooking of Germany, Time-Life Books, 1968