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Sunday, April 28, 2013

The Arithmetic of Desperation





MATH TEST

How many ingredients does this recipe have? What about if you read the ingredients on the labels?

If you were to multiply the mixture equally among 4 dessert dishes, how much would you have left over?

What do you have to do to reconcile the use of fractions and decimals in an addition problem?

If you have a total of 19 ounces of topping and pudding, how much air will you have to whip in to fill six dessert dishes?

What if you use really large volume dessert dishes?

What if you used fancy glasses instead?

An envelope of whipped topping mix travels 600 miles on a train at 70 m.p.h. It meets a can of chocolate pudding traveling in the opposite direction at 3 o’clock. At what point do you realize this problem is a Zen koan?

Calculate how many times your grandma would shake her head if she knew you were serving this to your guests? If grandma was 60 years old? If grandma was 100 years old?

What is the calorie differential between preparing this recipe and making actual chocolate custard?

Find the volume of chocolate whip produced if you whip it, whip it good.

What percentage of a single serving of this dessert consists of whipped topping mix? Of chocolate pudding? Of shame?

Express the relationship between six servings of chocolate whip and total ounces of new thigh fat as a ratio.

If Sally asks five people to a dinner party, but one of her guests shows up without having RSVP’d, another fails to bring her +1, and another, who cannot get a sitter brings her two small children, and her husband who is a surgeon gets called away after the first course, how much chocolate whip should she prepare? How much vodka will she need to drink to get through the evening? (Show you work.)

Family Dinners in a Hurry, Golden Press, 1970

Also from this book: S'mores, The Earl of Bunwich Folds

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