Friday, January 18, 2013

Beware The Franks

— What know we of the Frankish tribes?

— They are many, Sire.

— Whence do they roam?

— All over the place. Everywhere you look: a Frank.

— What about Tom, Dick and Harry?

— No Sire: just Franks.

— And what tongue speaketh the Franks?

— Gibberish, Sire.

— Have we any Gibberish speakers who may serve to communicate with them?

— Why, the whole Court, Sire. Most people speak a bit of Gibberish. Especially after a beer or two.

— Are the Franks armed?

— Yes Sire, they have arms. And legs.

— I mean, what know we of their weapons?

— Oh, armed. They carry fearsome axes, Sire, and wooden shields. But Sire: it is not what they carry into battle that slays their enemies, Sire.

— What is it then?

— Their cooking Sire. They have a method as cunning as it is effective.

— Pray tell, what is it?

— They do not come bearing arms, Sire. They send a messenger to invite you to a “barbecue.”

— Whatever is that?

— A meal, Sire. They serve ales and meats of dubious origin which have been mashed and extruded to form sausage-like shapes.

— Sounds pretty good to me.

— Oh Sire, it is not. They call them “Frankfurters,” and they have killed many a stout soldier merely wanting to fill his stomach. Sometimes they are served in a pot of blood.

— Surely not! They must be Barbarians!

— No, the Barbarians are someone else, Sire. Look: I have an image made by a spy: behold the horror!

— Why, truly these Franks are a people to be avoided lest their evil ways take over the world! We must not let their reign of terror spread!

Meat Cook Book, Better Homes and Gardens, 1965

Also from this book: Coup de Grace, Salami Bouquet
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