— Let us convene. We have before us today a pudding made of chocolate that is being considered for beatification.
— Father, isn’t it a bit out of the ordinary to beatify food items?
— Not at all. Just think of all the appearances of Jesus on bits of toast.
— Toast?
— Certainly. Bread is the body of our Lord after all. Who is this amateur? Who let him in?
— Why, I am the Devil’s Advocate, Father. Essential to the process and all that.
— I thought we’d done away with your kind.
— Not so much.
— Let’s get on with it then. Why is this pudding deemed blessed?
— Because it is made in a tin can, Father, and thus provides the poor and wretched with a nice bit of dessert.
— Fair enough. What say you, Devil’s Advocate?
— This pudding is not remotely suitable for such lofty praise. It is flavorless and dry. We serve it at the canteen in Hell as a matter of fact, instead of molten chocolate cake, which is what people usually expect, because it’s so sinful. We call it Devil’s Food Pudding.
— Oh dear.
— We also serve Devil’s Food Cake and Devilled Eggs.
— But I love devilled eggs!
— And so you should, Father.
— Well it looks like a closed case then. We can’t beatify a dish served in Hell. It would wreak havoc upon the faithful.
— We also serve toast, Father.
— What!
— Dry, of course, and rather burnt.
— We’ll overlook that. Is anyone staying for the fish fry tonight?
— But doesn’t fried fish require using the batter that Shrove Tuesday’s pancakes were supposed to use up for Lent?
— Isn’t your job done?
— I’m never really off the clock, no (attorneys never are).
Crockery Cooker Cook Book, Better Homes and Gardens, 1976
Also from this book: Cherry Pork Chops of Doom
Also from this book: Cherry Pork Chops of Doom
