Friday, March 2, 2012

Devil’s Food Pudding

The Vatican, Vatican City

— Let us convene. We have before us today a pudding made of chocolate that is being considered for beatification.

— Father, isn’t it a bit out of the ordinary to beatify food items?

— Not at all. Just think of all the appearances of Jesus on bits of toast.

— Toast?

— Certainly. Bread is the body of our Lord after all. Who is this amateur? Who let him in?

— Why, I am the Devil’s Advocate, Father. Essential to the process and all that.

— I thought we’d done away with your kind.

— Not so much.

— Let’s get on with it then. Why is this pudding deemed blessed?

— Because it is made in a tin can, Father, and thus provides the poor and wretched with a nice bit of dessert.

— Fair enough. What say you, Devil’s Advocate?

— This pudding is not remotely suitable for such lofty praise. It is flavorless and dry. We serve it at the canteen in Hell as a matter of fact, instead of molten chocolate cake, which is what people usually expect, because it’s so sinful. We call it Devil’s Food Pudding.

— Oh dear.

— We also serve Devil’s Food Cake and Devilled Eggs.

— But I love devilled eggs!

— And so you should, Father.

— Well it looks like a closed case then. We can’t beatify a dish served in Hell. It would wreak havoc upon the faithful.

— We also serve toast, Father.

— What!

— Dry, of course, and rather burnt.

— We’ll overlook that.  Is anyone staying for the fish fry tonight?

— But doesn’t fried fish require using the batter that Shrove Tuesday’s pancakes were supposed to use up for Lent?

— Isn’t your job done?

— I’m never really off the clock, no (attorneys never are).

Crockery Cooker Cook Book, Better Homes and Gardens, 1976

Also from this book: Cherry Pork Chops of Doom

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