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Saturday, December 10, 2011

Fertilizer



It is unclear at what stage of the breeding process this recipe is designed to help. Is it to make a women more fertile, to increase her libido, or make her more alluring to her mate? Or will it simply get her drunk?

And what does “accompany not with your husband” mean, exactly? Don’t drink this nasty concoction in front of him or don’t sleep with him for as long as it takes to get through the batch you’ve made? And why must the lady “be very chearful,” letting “nothing disquiet” her?

Nowadays, to promote breeding, a woman has far more at her disposal. Several Margaritas, for example. Three Cosmos and a pizza. In the north of England, half a pint of bitter and a pack of chips is rumored to work well.

Should none of these be available to you, and you’ve been having trouble conceiving, here’s the recipe:

Ale, 3 pints
Ox-backs, 3 piths
Clary, half a handful
Nep, a handful (Cat-bos will do in a pinch)
Stones dates, quarter lb
Raisins, a handful
Nutmegs, 3 whole

If that doesn’t work, you’re f*cked.

The Compleat Housewife, Eliza Smith, 1742


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