Saturday, December 24, 2011

Shedding Santa

There are two props which should never be found in a food stylist’s kit: plastic fruit and hair. The aim of the game is to make the food look realistic (often despite the inedible feats of engineering and coatings that have been applied to make it look so), but the way to do that is not to contrast real food with artificial food for comparison. A plastic fruit looks like plastic fruit, no matter what kind of bowl you put it in. People in the food service industry wear hair nets for a reason: to eliminate the risk of getting hair in food. The person who styled this photo clearly thought that the presence of Santa in the pose of hailing a cab would lead the reader to conclude that what lies on the table is Santa’s hair, rather than, say, a cat’s.

But this begs too many questions: why is it that Santa is shedding so much hair? Is there something wrong with Santa? Did Santa meet with some awful accident on his travels that resulted in great big globs of his hair coming off? What will Santa look like with no hair? And didn’t Santa notice he left such a mess behind? Usually Santa just nibbles on the cookies and drinks a bit of milk and is on his way, with nary a crumb left behind. What has caused Santa’s sudden disregard for the cleanliness of people’s homes? And why is Santa’s hair on the dining table? Doesn’t Santa limit his visit to the area immediately around the fireplace and tree? What has Santa been doing roaming around your house? Is he looking for something? A hair net, maybe? Some Rogaine? Why hasn’t Santa touched the delicious looking pudding pie on the table? Is he repulsed by green maraschino cherries like normal people? Will Santa look like a regular fat bald guy after Christmas? How will we be able to tell which man is Santa when we go to the mall? Will Santa be forced to wear a wig? Where can one find a wig that looks like Santa’s real hair?

The Ideals Christmas Cookbook, Ideals Publishing Corp., 1975

Also from this book: Poinsettia Salad
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