Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Mad Men

This picture of a turkey on fire is an ad for chewing gum. It appears in a Woman’s Day magazine from December 1969.

Here’s how the pitch meeting went down.

Dick: Tom, what do we have?

Tom: Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum.

Harry: Everyone loves delicious Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum.

Dick: Very useful if you can’t smoke.

Tom: What?

Dick: Sure. Imagine if you couldn’t light up. You’d have to chew gum instead.

Harry: But where?

Dick: I don’t know. On an airplane. Or at the movies.

Tom: The hospital. The maternity ward. School.

Harry: You have got to be kidding.

Tom: You’re right, it doesn’t bear thinking about. Speaking of which . . . give me a toke of that.

Dick: Where were we?

Harry: Hey, Tom. Tommy Boy. Thomas. Sir. Pass it along.

Tom: Oh man, that’s the good sh*it.

Dick: You can’t say “shit.”

Tom: I didn’t; I said “sh*it,” with an asterisk. It doesn’t count.

Harry: I’m hungry. Remember that turkey your sister made the other day?

Dick: The one she burned?

Harry: Yeah. Let’s use that. Let’s have a turkey on fire.

Tom: For what occasion?

Harry: Christmas. We could tell people to sing “Happy Turkey” instead of Happy Birthday. It would be hilarious.

Dick: It could work. It could work. My sister better not see it.

Harry: We could adorn it with burning sugar cubes. Anything will do.

Tom: It’s the work of a lunatic genius. Three lunatic geniuses. Like the Three Wise Men. We could drape the thing with a garland of cranberries.

Dick: You understand that we are using a birthday Christmas turkey which has been set on fire to sell chewing gum, yes?

Harry: It’s mad. It’s the work of mad, mad, very stoned men.

Dick: No-one will notice. We won’t be able to get away with this sort of thing in 1970. Better do it now while we still can.

Tom: What’s happening in 1970?

Dick: Looking for a new job, I expect. Going to get kicked out of this one for sure. Might as well go out in style. Wow, I’m high.

Woman’s Day, December 1969

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