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Sunday, February 24, 2013

Eddie Gizzard




Jim: Hey, Bob — why don’t you and Nancy come over for a barbecue on Saturday? I’ve got a new grill.

Bob: Why sure, Jim, that would be great, thanks. What do you want us to bring?

Jim: Oh, nothing — just yourselves and the kids.

Bob: It’s been ages since I had a good burger. Nancy’s been on a health kick….

Jim: We’re not having burgers, sorry, Bob. I have something special planned.

Bob: What?

Jim: Squabs.

Bob: Beg pardon?

Jim: Stuffed with gizzards.

Bob: I don’t think Nancy would….gizzards?

Jim: Yeah — one of the bird’s stomachs that’s used to grind up their food. Dinosaurs had them. Alligators have them too. Earthworms. Some fish.

Bob: I think you’re mistaken, mate. Oh, I get it. You’re going to cook burgers and we’re going to drink beers and watch Eddie Izzard  on YouTube.

Jim: Eddie Izzard?

Bob: Yeah, that comedian who dresses up as a woman. Runs marathons. Death Star Canteen. “I’ll have the penne alla arrabiata.”

Jim: You’ve lost me, mate. I’m serving squabs.

Bob: Nah, nah, I know what you’re up to. “Squabs”! Hilarious. “Tea or cake and death?, tea and cake or death?”

Jim: Are you feeling alright?

Bob: The kids know those skits by heart. Not really appropriate, some of it, but what can you do? Funny as hell.  A bit like you, Jim.

Jim: The recipe’s called “Surprised Squab.”

Bob: I’m sure it is. Of course it is.

Jim: It says “Serve it on the patio, where your guests can feel more free about wresting the succulent meat from this bird’s multitude of tiny bones.” Says it right here.

Bob: Wait till I tell Nancy.

Jim: “Serve 1 juicy squab per person.” Look — here.

Bob: Whatever you say, Jim. See you at sixish? I’ll bring ketchup — you know how the kids go through it like there’s no tomorrow.

Barbecue Cook Book, Lane Magazine & Book Company, 1967


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