Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Bullshit, or, Baked Bologna Jubilee

Some cities lend their names to truly great foods; Peking Duck, London Broil, Philly Cheese steaks, Buffalo Wings, Belgian Waffles, Hamburgers, Bismarcks, Boston Baked Beans, Boston Cream Pie, Chicken Kiev, Dijon Mustard, Eggs Florentine, and Salisbury Steak, to name a few.

The ancient Italian city of Bologne has given us two: Bolognase Sauce, without which no toddler will have been able to smear their face with spaghetti, and the ignoble Bologna, a fat sausage made from a paste of animal parts that has such a poor reputation its name has transformed into the slang word “baloney,” literally meaning something incredible: not believable — bullshit.

Example: Bologna is home to the oldest university in the world, founded in 1088. “What a load of baloney,” you say. But it’s true. Copernicus went there. Like many a student, he probably survived on pizza and bologna sandwiches and cheap beer — brain food. Actually, bologna is made out of brains, so that’s why he did so well at completely reinventing astronomy and basically kicking off the Renaissance and stuff. (Nerds, take note.)

Family Circle, that evil organization hell-bent on destroying America from the inside out by turning our insides out, gives us this recipe for bologna that pairs it inexplicably with bananas, oranges and olives. Studding the poor thing with cloves as if it were a delectable ham on the bone only magnifies the depths to which this once proud local delicacy has fallen.

The caption helpfully notes that “bologna is available in single pieces as well as slices.” In case you didn’t know.

Family Circle Casserole Cookbook, Rockville House Publishers, 1972

Also from this book: Wikiwiki Ham Bake
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