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Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Goodness Gracious, Great Balls of Fire!




— Marie-Antoine!

— Oui?

— Regardez-vous these appetizers. What do you think?

— They look like merde. Of what are they made?

— Butter, curry powder, chopped onion, chicken livers, walnuts, parsley, brandy.

— They are an atrocity. They are an insult to la cuisine Française. Remove them from my sight and throw out the pan you made them in while you’re at it.

— But Chef!

— What? I’m busy.

— I thought they would be perfect for tonight’s banquet.

— And why is this?

— We are cooking for the British. I thought…

— Aha. I see where you are going with this. Bring them back! Let me see them again. They are grievous to me. You set them alight, non?

— Oui, Chef.

— This is appropriate. It is a dish from the bowels of Hell.

— What shall we call them, Chef? Boules de feu de pâte de noix… Terrine des noyes boules en feu… Allumettes des Noix enfer….

— We shall call them what they are: Flaming Walnut Pate Balls.

— But Chef! En Anglais?

— Oui. The British will think we are honoring them. It was your idea, the curry powder?

— Oui, Chef.

— Tres bon, mon petit souris. Tres bon.

 June Roth's Fast and Fancy Cookbook, Fawcett Publications, Inc., 1969


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