Monday, August 22, 2011

If Henry Kissinger was Petite, Pretty and Black

Why is it that in the 1970s photo re-touching was only applied by secret agents to either erase or add shady political characters to grainy Soviet balcony gatherings? Sure, it wasn’t always great; the non-person often left behind an inexplicable gap in a tight line-up and their shadow. But could this technology have also been put to use for occasions such as this? What is that gentleman on top of the author’s umbrella doing sticking a knife into his head? Could that be the author’s husband, Lee Elder? Is he trying to tell us something?

Sadly, the bizarre photo cropping is not the only odd thing about this book. To wit: the blurbs on the flyleaf:

“For many years, I have wondered why someone did not publish a ‘Favorite Recipes from the Tour’ book. Now, we have one. In its own way, it is very revealing as it lets us know what really soothes the appetites of our favorite people.

These man who play this game we all love so much, seem to enjoy everything from fish sticks to Coquille Ste. Jaques; Kentucky Fried to Poulet en Cocotte Bonne Femme; tacos to Carne Asada a la Tampiqueña. At each stop along the way, they have their favorite spots and learn to enjoy what is the specialty of the locale.

When they have a chance to go into their own kitchens, though, and say ‘Now, here is what I’d really like to have for dinner,’ it is interesting to see what they do choose.

Whatever, the Rose Elder Golfer’s Cookbook is a welcome addition to the bookshelf.”
— Tom Place (PGA Tour)

Really, Tom? There exists a man on this planet who actually asks for “Rose’s Own Clean the Refrigerator Stew”? (page 149) According to this book, what these well-paid PGA Tour professionals crave are not the fancy foreign foods they eat while away, but "Congealed Salad." Whatever. 

 There’s this from Jim Murray (Los Angeles Times): 

“You can go to your pro if you like to get a recipe for that loop in your backswing. I want his wife’s recipe for Tripe A La Mode De Caen, garnee sous cloche. Who wants Chicken Kiev when they can get Chicken Doral? I mean, why should I settle for chili dogs when Lee Elder can get Pompano-in-a-bag?”

Why, indeed. Curiously, none of these recipes is in the book, so he’s going to have to find another way to get them out of his pro’s wife. Likewise, the fabled “Pompano-in-a-bag” is also not listed, so we’ll all have to just settle for chili dogs.

There are 4 recipes for meatloaf, however, including the charmingly named “Dale’s Mother’s Meat Loaf” which comes with this note: “After several meat loaf recipes after Dale and I were first married, he finally asked me to get his mother’s recipe…and here it is!” That’s one recipe for a happy marriage, folks.

Finally, a glimpse at Phil Musick’s author bio on the back flyleaf gives us a clue as to the general “spirit of ‘75” air that guides the crazy in this book. It begins:

If Henry Kissinger was petite, pretty, black and somewhat less busy, he would be Rose Elder.”

The people of Cambodia, Chile and Argentina probably agree.

The Golfer’s Cookbook, Rose Elder, 1977

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