Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Nights in White Frosting

The main difference between European cakes and American cakes is that the former wear their sweet creamy parts on the inside, while the latter smear it all over the outside. On the one hand it might seem preferable to be faced with the European gateau because you can see what it consists of, and can hazard a guess as to what flavor it is. On the other, it might seem preferable to hide this sort of revelation under a thick layer of white goo that gives no possible clue as to what you’ll find when you slice it open.

The cake on the far left is shrouded in anonymity — for all we know there is no cake inside, just frosting, a sleight-of-hand somewhat akin to donut holes, an item that makes no sense whatsoever except as an existential condundrum. One suspects, however, that people who eat donut holes do not suffer from such mentally taxing problems. Neither do the people who eat ready-made frosting right out of the tub, foregoing the cake altogether.

It’s a scientifically proven fact that generic birthday cake frosting is the sweetest substance yet invented by man. It was originally developed as a weapon designed to detonate an enemy’s pancreas. One bite and KABOOM. The Moody Blues employ the flute as a lead instrument, have sold over 70 million records featuring a Mellotron, and not one of them makes any sense at all. Wrap your mind around that. 

Microwave Cooking Guide, Tappan / O’Keefe &Merritt

Also from this book: Stick-Of-Sauce, Turkey a la Death

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