Wednesday, October 19, 2011

How (Not) To Make Coffee

— Um, Barista, there’s something wrong with my coffee.

— Sorry Sir — what’s the matter?

— I ordered a coffee.

— Yes Sir — I gave you a coffee.

— But this doesn’t taste like coffee. You must be mistaken.

— A Grande, black, right? To go?

— That’s what I ordered, yes.

— I just brewed that coffee fresh right before I poured it Sir. It should be fine.

— You mean to tell me you made this today?

— Of course.

— But that’s awful. Coffee should be brewed the day before serving. How many times did you brew it?

— The once….

— Exactly! You didn’t boil it three times! No wonder it tastes like shit!

— Sir, there’s no need for profanity.

— This rubbish is what you’d serve a child, not a grown man. I want my money back.

— Very well. Here’s your tuppence ha’penny. Good luck, to you Sir.

A Plain Cookery Book for the Working Classes, Charles Elmé Francatelli, The Scolar Press, 1852

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